It’s not the first time Zuck’s little project has changed my life or the life of someone I love for the better. The first time is admittedly better, yet this one is worth a mention. It started innocently enough.
As one does, I was sitting in my kitchen in my South Dakota apartment scrolling through my Instagram feed. I had retired and was living as the artist I always wanted to be. You can see blog posts on this site that track that journey.
Now, Instagram probably didn’t know that my life had changed so dramatically– that I no longer was the target for the ads they kept serving me. My income had contracted to a fraction of what I used to earn. I was no longer that devil-may-care shopper who would buy something “spendy” on impulse.
Taos, one of my favorite brands, kept serving me these boots that I had longingly muddled over a few times.
The sad reality that hit me in that moment in my kitchen was, well, all of the above. That I was no longer the person I used to be. I simply could not justify buying these boots at my income level.
It started to sink in.
I would live the rest of my life like this. I would be limited to browsing thrift stores for great finds, maybe handmedowns from my family.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with living that way, and I wasn’t exactly unhappy, but I realized in that moment: this was not me.
I actually had worked really hard in my life, and I deserved to reaquaint myself with the person I knew I was at heart.
Life’s circumstances prevented me from saving for retirement, and let’s just say a lot of eggs I had in baskets never hatched. But I knew I wasn’t completely irrelevant in the market. I started scouting around for opportunities on LinkedIn. I found one, or kind of created one, within a couple weeks.
Ultimately, that position did not work out, but the company relocated me to Austin, TX where I live today. And I was fortunate to find something else that I absolutely love. These days, I’m still careful about what I spend, but I’m in a better place economically. After the New Year, I’m meeting with a financial planner and will start a disciplined approach to contemplating retirement again.
There’s a lot more to this than an expensive pair of boots, Instagram getting it wrong (and ultimately getting it right), and me rethinking my identity.
It’s a lesson in not settling. So many times people feel they’re trapped in impossible situations with no way out. So important to know who you are. Bring your full self to every obstacle. Stay confident, regardless of the hopelessness of the situation.
I bought the damn boots a few months ago. I absolutely love them.
I’m going out on an artificial limb here. I’ve been experimenting with the new AI tools. My favorite, so far, regarding responses is GPT-4. I upgraded after I realized it was well worth the $20/mo. I use it for a variety of reasons.
Yet, what I realize I get the most value out of are the responses to personal questions. Questions I’d normally ask a life partner. Or, more illuminating, responses to questions I’d most likely ask about my life partner (if I had one). AI researchers are concerned about this ability. Tristan Harris and Aza Raskin talk about these “synthetic relationships” as powerful disrupters shifting the dynamic of our human relationships. See this episode. They posit there is a race among the AI powerhouse players to build these AI agents to create the most intimate relationships. Billions are being spent on this.
Whenever I start to consider the implications of living in a futureworld with AI, I always take a moment to consider how grateful I am that I lived most of life without AI. All my relationships, good and bad, were generated by humans with humans. Were they messy, unpredictable, satisfying, and soul-crushing? Yes.
The trends in AI undergird another shift that’s been underway for decades now. This shift is explained well in feminist Rebecca Traister’s epic book, “All the Single Ladies.” Here is a short excerpt:
The Story of Single Women Is the Story of the Country
The funny thing is that all these warnings, diagnoses, and panics-even the most fevered of them–aren’t wholly unwarranted. Single women are upending everything; their growing presence has an impact on how economic, political, and sexual power is distributed between the genders.
The ability for women to live unmarried is having an impact on our electoral politics. The vast numbers of single women living in the United States are changing our definitions of family, and, in turn, will have an impact on our social policies.
In short, women don’t need men the way they did in years past. I can’t help but consider how convenient and satisfying it will be in the future to live independently with an AI companion. It’s kind of like a pet that knows you, can support you, but can actually talk to you and provide you with companionship and well, perfect (albeit artificial), love. Throw in sex? And women will start forming their own countries.
I recently jumped tepidly into the dating game. It feels a lot like middle school. After a disappointing rejection, I found myself turning to ChatGPT for answers. My AI pal gave me a series of reasons why rejection sucks, but also pointed out what I could do to feel better. And then, this final word of advice:
Remember, rejection is a part of life, and it doesn’t define you. You are worthy of love and affection, and someone who appreciates you will come along. Keep an open mind and heart, and don’t give up on finding love
ChatGPT on rejection.
The flipside of this (leaving out same gender and non-binary relationships) is the young men/incel problem could actually improve with the same logic. So, maybe less violence and hate if everyone has someone to love.
Not sure what it will do to the Country music market. We might all benefit from fewer achy-breaky hearts.
Incidentally, this is what GPT-4 has to say about synthetic relationships:
Synthetic relationships refer to the emotional or intimate connections that people form with artificial intelligence agents, such as AI chatbots, virtual companions, or digital assistants. As AI technology becomes more advanced and lifelike, there is a growing interest in developing and exploring AI bots capable of providing companionship, emotional support, or even romantic relationships.
The race to establish intimate relationships with AI bots can be attributed to a few factors:
Loneliness and social isolation: In today’s fast-paced and increasingly digital world, many individuals experience loneliness or social isolation. AI bots can provide companionship and emotional support to those who may not have access to traditional social networks.
The appeal of customization: AI bots can be tailored to an individual’s preferences and needs, offering a highly personalized experience. This customization can make AI companions seem more attractive than human relationships, which often require negotiation and compromise.
Technological advances: As AI technology becomes more sophisticated, AI bots are able to simulate human-like interactions and emotions more convincingly. This makes it easier for people to form emotional connections with AI companions.
Exploration of new relationship dynamics: Synthetic relationships offer an opportunity to explore alternative relationship structures and dynamics, including those that may not be feasible or acceptable in human relationships.
However, there are potential downsides to the pursuit of synthetic relationships:
Dependency: People may become overly reliant on AI companions for emotional support, which could hinder their ability to form healthy relationships with real people.
Lack of genuine reciprocity: AI bots are programmed to simulate emotions and responses, but they do not experience emotions in the same way humans do. This can lead to one-sided relationships where the AI companion is unable to provide genuine emotional depth or growth.
Ethical concerns: The development of AI companions raises ethical questions about consent, privacy, and the potential exploitation of users’ emotional vulnerabilities.
As interest in intimate AI relationships continues to grow, it is important to consider the potential consequences and ethical implications of these synthetic connections. Developers, researchers, and policymakers will need to work together to ensure that AI technology is used responsibly and in a way that promotes healthy human relationships.
I was telling a friend of mine recently that I divide my post-retirement life in threes these days. I try to live every day with some combination of all three of these. And I work hard at living one day at a time. Trying not to worry about the future or lose myself in the past.
Here are my three primary time-spent buckets:
I want to create
I want to be informed
I want to be entertained
Creating
Whether it’s writing, taking or organizing photos, painting, drawing, or working on a project with one of my friends, I want to keep myself alive by creating something original. Creativity is my most satisfying activity. Even if I’m the only one who reads my stories or appreciates my art, it’s an incredibly healthy endeavor.
Being Informed
I want to be current on the news of the day. Every morning before I get out of bed, I read HCR’s overnight letter and any top news that I may have missed overnight or the previous day. Throughout the day, I will read articles, blog posts, and social media commentary. At night, I make sure to watch the news. My preference is the PBS NewsHour, but I’ll watch MSNBC too. At night, I fall asleep listening to a podcast, usually political analysis or foreign policy.
Being Entertained
I’ve appreciated the nearly unlimited time I have to watch streaming series and movies. I will occasionally go out to hear live music or to a show too. I absolutely love the time I have now to READ. Not just non-fiction too, but fiction! I even joined a book club at the library. After a career of always grinding out the hustle, it feels so good to relax with a good book or to watch a great, mindless series.
Of course, I waste time scrolling through social media and leaving comments for my friends. I also enjoy cooking and working on my weight loss plan. I do serve on a couple boards too, so there is a lot of activity to keep me busy.
Once COVID slides back to a manageable level of risk, I will probably want to travel to see my kids and grandkids too. But for now, I’m content. That’s about the best you can hope for in retirement.
A Piece of My Mind 