Introspection

I Wrote a Song for My Startup

/ Susan Scrupski / Leave a comment

Okay, maybe not exactly original.  Readers of this blog may not have been alive when this song was recorded or popular, so maybe I can get away with it.

My last post was a poetic, meandering bit of self-reflection about how selfish it was for me to pursue a line of work that could negatively impact the people I love the most.

Well, sorry kids.  I can’t do it.  I’m addicted to this work.

Every day, there’s another death. There’s another reason to keep going.  I realize I’m starting over, reinventing myself at the bottom of a low-paying field, yet all arguments to give up fall away in the face of the opportunity to make a real dent in this particular universe. So, I’m continuing.  I took a pause, but that was about it.  I grabbed those bootstraps and yanked harder.

Good news is coming.  I promise.  Stay tuned.

News flash: it’s not about the money.

(But, you know, we do need that to survive… so, I encourage your support.)

 

I came, I saw, I paused

/ Susan Scrupski / Leave a comment

viewThis summer, I spent two lovely weeks gazing at the river where it flows into the large expanse of the bay. The view served as a great metaphor. I came here to my NJ hometown to make a decision about what I was going to do with my life. I told my oldest daughter I was going back home to stay in a beautiful house by the river in the town I grew up in. That I was going to pretend that this is how my life turned out, and after the two weeks were over, I was going to kill myself.  It was meant to be a joke, but I know these things are not really funny. There’s always some truth in jest, yes?  (Don’t worry, I’m not suicidal.)

I knew I was at a crossroads and I needed time to truly process where I was and where I needed to be over this phase of my life.  The trip turned out to be a wonderful journey into self-exploration.  I connected with old friends and family I had not seen in a very long time.  I got off the Internet.  I focused on what mattered.

You see, since I returned to work in 2006 after a 5-year sabbatical, I only wanted to spend my working hours devoted to something that had world-changing power.  Something that made a difference.  What I’ve discovered in 2015 is, in the pursuit of such altruistic goals, I’ve changed the world of those who are most closest to me, and not in a good way.  In a bad way, and in a way that is harmful.

I’m taking a pause and reprioritizing. What’s most important to me is the welfare of my family. In retrospect, I realized I threw the babies out with the bathwater when I chose to live frugally and work on social good initiatives.  This hit home for me this summer when I realized I might not be able to send my son back to college. What? Time for a pivot.

I’ll be wrapping up a few projects with Big Mountain Data that I’m really proud of, but will be pursuing opportunities to regain some financial stability for my family. I’ve said for a while we’re ahead of time.  Waiting for the market to catch up with our vision is not going to matter in the long run.

The Swartz Imperative

/ Susan Scrupski / Leave a comment

“You literally ought to be asking yourself all the time what is the most important thing in the world I could be working on right now, and if you are not working on that why aren’t you?”

– Taren Stinebrickner-Kauffman describing her partner, Aaron Swartz

I had the good fortune to attend my first Personal Democracy Forum in NYC last month.   I’ve wanted to attend this conference for as long as I’ve known about it.  I ran into Micah Sifry serendipitously at SXSW, and after a brief fangirl introduction, I forced a hug on him.  Something people from the Northeast should probably never do, but I couldn’t resist.  I’m a Personal Democracy Plus subscriber, and get a great deal of value out of my $75 annual subscription.  I wanted to thank him for what he does.

Like so many others, I’ve long viewed the web– especially now, coupled with ubiquitous access via mobile and high-speed connectivity – as the technology platform that changed the game.  If I were still a practicing Catholic, I’d agree with the Pope that the Internet is a gift from God.  To that end, I’ve done my part to help change hearts and minds in places where hearts and minds are predominantly closed  (namely, big business).

Spending time with the grass-roots and non-profit activists at #PDF14 opened my eyes to a world of opportunities for mere mortals to make a difference.  It’s interesting how, even in this new age of connectivity, we are siloed via our professional orientations.  We immerse ourselves in group think chambers on the web.  Sitting in the auditorium for the keynotes and in the breakout sessions at #PDF14, I enjoyed being a newcomer, a n00b even.  Not knowing anyone, very few anyway, and bringing no baggage to the important discussions that lit up Twitter over the two days, I was able to filter the conversations and apply the big ideas to the challenges I face in my corner of the “let’s change the world” personal mandate.

The Aaron Swartz documentary came out a few weeks ago, and my son and I both watched it.  The quote at the top of this post taken from the film has haunted me ever since.  See the film.  And ask yourself, are you working on the most important thing you could be right now?