Plug-pulling is Agony

pull-the-plugIt’s the most difficult decision a startup entrepreneur can make. In fact, I’ve never done it before.

It took me a long time to write this post. Every other time I started a business, eventually a new opportunity would come along that made sense, and I’d sell my business, or go forward with an acquisition. Each exit was a win for me. I used to take great pride in the fact that I never failed with any business I started.

I can’t say that anymore.

Big Mountain Data was my most ambitious venture yet.  Its thesis was predicated on the fact that there is a preponderance of data collected every day on domestic violence offenders that could be mined and analyzed to make predictions on which offenders are most dangerous. The data could then be used to intervene in the cycle of violence.  Across the country, the data could be used to identify, track, and hold offenders accountable.   Of course, I still believe this is true, but I wasn’t able to sell a single client on giving us the opportunity to do this, or build applications based on existing data collection.

Looking in the rear-view mirror, it’s more obvious how I misjudged the opportunity. It mostly boils down to this: just because something can be done, there will be a “market” for it. This is a rookie mistake, and I should have known better. Resistance to what we wanted to do arose from every facet of the field. I learned a lot, and for that I’m grateful. I’m also very grateful for the many individuals and groups that supported our mission along the way. Some special people even donated to our startup fund. That really means a lot to me. I won’t be pushing this post to social media, so if you come across it in your reader, feel free to leave a comment.

I’m horribly disappointed in and ashamed of this outcome. Not only because of the personal failure, but because of the impact of what we could have achieved if we’d been successful. Of all the businesses I started, this was not the one to fail. My only hope is I planted the seeds of looking at domestic violence in a different way, and that someone of influence will pick up where we started. For that reason, I’ll leave the web site up and the various blog posts that tracked with our progress.

Who knows.  Maybe I’ll pick it up again some day.

In the meantime, I’ll be reverting this blog back to publishing various and sundry personal thoughts from time to time.  It’s hard to believe I’ve been posting to this blog for over nine years.  It does serve as an interesting roadmap to my exploits over this phase of my life. Thanks for reading and taking a personal interest.

 

I Wrote a Song for My Startup

Okay, maybe not exactly original.  Readers of this blog may not have been alive when this song was recorded or popular, so maybe I can get away with it.

My last post was a poetic, meandering bit of self-reflection about how selfish it was for me to pursue a line of work that could negatively impact the people I love the most.

Well, sorry kids.  I can’t do it.  I’m addicted to this work.

Every day, there’s another death. There’s another reason to keep going.  I realize I’m starting over, reinventing myself at the bottom of a low-paying field, yet all arguments to give up fall away in the face of the opportunity to make a real dent in this particular universe. So, I’m continuing.  I took a pause, but that was about it.  I grabbed those bootstraps and yanked harder.

Good news is coming.  I promise.  Stay tuned.

News flash: it’s not about the money.

(But, you know, we do need that to survive… so, I encourage your support.)

 

I came, I saw, I paused

viewThis summer, I spent two lovely weeks gazing at the river where it flows into the large expanse of the bay. The view served as a great metaphor. I came here to my NJ hometown to make a decision about what I was going to do with my life. I told my oldest daughter I was going back home to stay in a beautiful house by the river in the town I grew up in. That I was going to pretend that this is how my life turned out, and after the two weeks were over, I was going to kill myself.  It was meant to be a joke, but I know these things are not really funny. There’s always some truth in jest, yes?  (Don’t worry, I’m not suicidal.)

I knew I was at a crossroads and I needed time to truly process where I was and where I needed to be over this phase of my life.  The trip turned out to be a wonderful journey into self-exploration.  I connected with old friends and family I had not seen in a very long time.  I got off the Internet.  I focused on what mattered.

You see, since I returned to work in 2006 after a 5-year sabbatical, I only wanted to spend my working hours devoted to something that had world-changing power.  Something that made a difference.  What I’ve discovered in 2015 is, in the pursuit of such altruistic goals, I’ve changed the world of those who are most closest to me, and not in a good way.  In a bad way, and in a way that is harmful.

I’m taking a pause and reprioritizing. What’s most important to me is the welfare of my family. In retrospect, I realized I threw the babies out with the bathwater when I chose to live frugally and work on social good initiatives.  This hit home for me this summer when I realized I might not be able to send my son back to college. What? Time for a pivot.

I’ll be wrapping up a few projects with Big Mountain Data that I’m really proud of, but will be pursuing opportunities to regain some financial stability for my family. I’ve said for a while we’re ahead of time.  Waiting for the market to catch up with our vision is not going to matter in the long run.